How to Know You’re Headed for Burnout and 5 Simple Practices for Recovery

I am, by nature, a Yes person. I love to make people happy and I learned early in my career that saying Yes – and just jumping in without worrying how – is a fast way to grow personally and professionally. This strategy worked well for many years and my career progressed farther than anyone could have imagined. I became masterful at adding new responsibilities, figuring things out, and making it all work. 

For example, I left my second maternity leave two weeks early to launch a new client project that included regular travel. Then not quite a year after that, with a toddler and a baby at home and while I was still very active with that initial client project, I started another project. I didn’t have to do it, but the opportunity came my way and I jumped in. 

The new project was local and I rationalized that while it was a heavy workload, at least I wouldn’t be away from home more than I already was. Then immediately after the launch, the client location changed to overseas. I could have backed out at that point but I believed I could make anything work so I pressed forward. Needless to say, it was overwhelming. My husband was understandably stressed with his own business and our two little ones, and I was exhausted.

This is when I learned that sometimes we find our limits by going past them.

Years later, when our two daughters were in grade school, we welcomed our third daughter. Around that time, I was on a client project that stretched me in other ways. I found myself in the odd position of my boss and my client wanting different things from me. I couldn’t please either one. I should have told my boss early on that what he wanted wasn’t going to happen, but that would have meant disappointing him, failing my assignment, and a step back in my career. Naturally, I didn’t like any of those options so I kept at it for many months, trying to figure out a way to make everyone happy. I lost a lot of sleep, dreaded phone calls and meetings, wondered what it was all for and invalidated myself for not finding a win-win, all the while forcing myself to stand tall and smile. It was eventually too much. I became burned out and asked to be taken off the project. It was humiliating.

I wish I could say I learned all my lessons about my limits, when I should figure things out and when I needed to tell the unpopular truth - but no. I had to go through a more intense version of it a few years later in order for the lesson to sink in. The circumstances were different, the symptoms were similar but I felt worse and at the end of it, I decided to leave my 20-year career.

I had to eject so I could restore.

I used to think “If you can, you should” but I learned the hard way that always saying Yes or trying to make people happy isn’t worth it when I:

• Can’t get a good night’s sleep
• Am a bitch to be around
• Dread phone calls, meetings, and work in general
• Hide in the bathroom to cry or to pull it together
• Consume a lot of caffeine and cookies but can’t get comforted or energized
• Try endlessly to figure out a win-win
• Feel lost and unable to see a way to make it work

I’ve talked to so many people who have gone through similar times, and the longer we stay in it, the longer it takes to recover. It took me a while to feel normal again. The following practices helped me re-center, and even though life and work are pretty great these days, I still do these to keep from falling back into old habits: 

• Do something at least once a week that builds your confidence… something that summons your inner badass.
• Practice gratitude and meditate. It’s the foundation for a peaceful and joyful life.
• Actively tend to your energy. Be strategic with what you say Yes to. When you’re asked to add something to your plate, take a day to think about it. Let the idea of this new something settle in your thoughts and notice if it excites you or if it stifles you or if it does nothing for it you at all. Be selective. Remember you are actively restoring yourself; you need more of what gives you energy and less of what takes it. 
• Be kind and patient with yourself and others; have grace. 
• Celebrate small wins. If you’re used to motivating yourself with rewards after big wins, know this: the scale is different when you’re burned out. Every small win counts. When you acknowledge a small win, you build confidence, energy and momentum.

Published in ThriveGlobal, 2018.