Imposter Syndrome: kicking it to the curb where it belongs

 Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

 Today’s podcast is about the Imposter Syndrome: how it comes in like a sneak attack, how we can notice it when it’s happening with others, and how to get out of it fast… getting back to being centered and confidently leading people to make great things happen.

The Imposter Syndrome is – quite simply when we feel like an imposter, a fraud, like we got by on luck instead of merit and we don’t belong where we are.

Imagine you’re at a conference and you get acknowledged for something great that you did, something you worked your butt off for. It’s a big deal thing for you and for the company. People are clapping and patting you on the back. You look around to make eye contact with someone who’s important to you (a friend or someone who’s opinion you care a lot about) and they’re not clapping. Maybe they’re even walking away.

Maybe you think, “They must have something else on their mind. I’ll catch up with them later,” in which case, life proceeds as normal.

Or maybe you think, “Hmmm…do they not agree with this? Do they think I don’t deserve this? …Maybe I don’t…. What if I just lucked out and this isn’t that big of a deal?” If those thoughts take root in your mind, welcome to the Imposter Syndrome.

I’ve had people explain the feeling to me that when these thoughts take root in their day to day, it’s like they’re hydroplaning… or trying so hard to prove that they belong where they are but never feel like they do… or like they’re The Great and Powerful Oz, operating smoke and mirrors from behind a curtain but they’re really just an average dude… or it can be upsetting and disorienting like you got a Fast Pass to some horrible amusement park ride that you can’t get off of it.

Sometimes there’s what I’d call a minor case of the Imposter Syndrome – like a Mini Imposter Syndrome, “MIS.” These are momentary bouts of self-doubt, wondering if you’re really qualified to be doing what you’re doing. This is when the thoughts don’t take root in your mind, they’re more like a weight that slow you down for a few hours but you press through and get back to normal pretty easily. These mini-versions can happen a few times a year or more… depending on circumstances and your environment.

But for this episode, we’ll focus more on the times the thoughts of self-doubt, “people will find out I’m a fraud; I’m not as qualified as they think” take root and hang around for days, weeks or months. Have you ever had that happen?

If you’ve never experienced it, you know someone who has. About 70% of people wrestle with the Imposter Syndrome at some point in life (according to the International Journal of Behavioral Science – but I think it’s much higher than 70%). It doesn’t discriminate; the Imposter Syndrome visits men and women, at all stages of a career, all types of careers.

I know I’ve dealt with it a few times. It’s an unnerving experience; it displaced my confidence. I kind of felt lost, even though I was in the same physical space, with the same people every day – so in a way it makes no sense that I felt lost -  except that I lost my confidence. I had this underlying pervasive mindset, “I thought I knew what I was doing, I thought I was good at this, I thought I belonged… but maybe not… I’m not so sure.”

Here’s what’s fascinating about the Imposter Syndrome:

• It has nothing to with your actual well-earned experience and great results you’ve produced.
• There’s no generally known trigger point for it, so there’s no trigger to watch out for. It’s sneaky that way. I’ve seen it sneak attack people who just got promoted, or just landed their dream job, or got a new boss, or had a casual conversation with a friend.
  
  

This one time, I worked with someone who’d recently got promoted and he was doing great, dealing with the usual challenges that come with a promotion and a new team (no sign of The Imposter Syndrome). Then he went to get coffee with a friend from work (who used to be a peer but the recent promotion changed that) and this friend casually said, “You know, when you got promoted, it messed up a lot of people.”  

There are a bunch of ways you could respond to a comment like this. “Screw you” is one response that comes to my mind because what are you supposed to do with a comment like that? But we can’t really say that, so maybe a more PC response is, “Yea, I know. I’m not sure what to say about it.”

But this casual comment started him thinking, “Do they think I’m not qualified? Am I not doing this right? …Maybe I’m not doing this right… Maybe I shouldn’t be the one in this role.” Those questions and doubts took root and hung around for a while.  …Welcome to the Imposter Syndrome.

Symptoms of the Imposter Syndrome:

• Self-doubt
• Feeling like a fraud
• Feeling like you don’t belong where you are
• Feeling like you lucked out but didn’t really earn it
• Neediness
• Proving your worth

What’s the impact of it? At a most basic level, the impact is a decreased ability to think clearly. It’s like the Imposter Syndrome muddies our mind, which shows up in:

• Slower productivity
• Less creativity for problem-solving
• Lower confidence to lead and influence.

This is good to know if you’re leading a team or responsible for developing people… these are tell-tale signs that someone is off their game and might be dealing with The Imposter Syndrome.

How do you get out of it? Some people would say you never really get out of it, that it’s just kind of there all the time, sometimes barely noticeable and other times really loud. I don’t know if that’s true or not so the name of the game is to manage The Imposter Syndrome rather than It managing you:

• First of all, have some grace with yourself, remember that these thoughts aren’t true even though they feel true, and that you’re not alone – this is totally common for people to feel this way from time to time.
• Lean into it. The Imposter Syndrome gets stronger when we try to overcome it or deny it. It gets weak when we lean into it. In other words, the way out of it is through, which isn’t what we want to do. We want to eject out of it but that doesn’t work. How to lean into it?
  • Journaling your stream of consciousness. Keep writing until you get clarity and can see it for what it is: an untrue judgement against yourself. Keep writing until you feel centered again.
  • Talk to someone you trust: a confidante, mentor, coach. Do you remember in The Lion King when Simba is grown up but hasn’t gone home yet and Raffiki visits him? Raffiki understands how Simba feels, he doesn’t baby him and he also doesn’t invalidate how he feels and he helps Simba remember who he really is. We all need a Raffiki. If you don’t have a Raffiki, find your Raffiki.
• Focus on doing things you know you can do well. Focus on the do-able tasks first because this will help you get into your normal groove and rebuild your confidence.

To recap:
The Imposter Syndrome is a sneaky bitch, and it will throw you off-center. For whenever you deal with again, know that you’re in good company. Most people you know have dealt with it and you know people who are dealing with it right now. CEOs deal with it and if you do a quick google search, you’ll find that even Jodie Foster, Tom Hanks, Maya Angelou and Sheryl Sandberg have dealt with it.

And remember - You can get out of it by leaning into it, and have some grace for yourself.