Leading for Introverts

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Today’s podcast is Leading for Introverts – how to keep leading , and keep showing up as a leader – when the setting or circumstances make it hard to do so. I’m going to talk about:

- Leading when you don’t have the title
- The differences between Extroverted and Introverted
- A few tips for introverts to be seen and heard – when it may not be natural to do so

Let me start by saying that I’m an introvert (and this is a topic I enjoy talking about). I have a ton of experience with extroverted types of jobs – like cold-calling and leading workshops to large groups. (To be clear about my perspective on Introverted / Extroverted – it doesn’t define what you can do by any means!) But by nature, I’m definitely more introverted – and I’m going to talk about how to navigate the
usually quieter aspects of being introverted with the leadership necessity of consistently being seen and heard.

I will say that I’ve found – in my own experience and talking with many other leaders over the years - it is easier to lead when you’re the clear leader… like when you have the title that makes you the clear leader, or when you’re the person who called the meeting… because in these set ups – particularly for introverts - people look to you to say things and you either have the subject matter expertise that is easy to rattle off, or if you’re leading a meeting, you’ll likely have an agenda for it (either in your mind or
written and sent out to everyone).

But what about leading when you’re not The Leader? (Let me just say – I define leadership as being out in front… pushing the edges, making the way forward, leaning into the undefined areas… and doing in a way that others want to follow / want to work with you… leadership is not a title… we’ve all known great leaders who don’t have the title and we’ve all known people with the title who can’t lead.) So being a leader is who you are no matter the title, and no matter the setting or circumstance.

Also - inherent to leadership is being seen and heard… a leader’s perspective and direction need to be known… and known consistently. This – I’ve found – in my own experience and in coaching many leaders – is more of an effort for introverts than it is for extroverts.

Extroverts/Introverts – these 2 words get tossed around a lot. For a long time, I equated these words to mean: Extroverts are people who are out there. Introverts are people who are quiet and shy. These stereotypes aren’t necessarily true… they can be, of course, depending on the person – but to be clear – everyone has some extroverted AND introverted qualities, which is why the folks at Myers Briggs will talk about it like Extroverted-preference and Introverted-preference. I’m just going to use “Extrovert”
and “Introvert” - - and the “preference” part is silent.

A couple basic characteristics of introverts and extroverts that apply to things like meetings at work:

- Introverts tend to observe and reflect before speaking. Extroverts have a much shorter cycle time before speaking… to an introvert, it can look like extroverts just say whatever is on their mind with little to no edit button. …to an extrovert, it can look like introverts are shy or withholding information, or sometimes not even responsive.
Because introverts tend to reflect longer before speaking, introverts typically won’t say as much during the meeting but will have an idea or recommendation a few hours or even a couple daysafter the meeting (…which an extrovert might find this weird… like everything was talked about in the meeting and we’re now moving on… like “why are you still thinking about it?”).

o Another characteristic - Introverts tend to wait for a pause in the conversation before talking. Extroverts don’t do this as much… it’s very natural for extroverts to talk over each other with not a thought about it.

Take these 2 introverted characteristics: (1) observing/reflecting longer before speaking – and (2) waiting for a pause in the conversation… and it can be challenging for an introvert to be consistently seen and heard in meetings.

Add to the mix that the data tells us that executive teams are mostly made of extroverts… which makes sense when you think about it… extroverts don’t have to try – or focus - as much to be seen and heard… they kind of just are by nature.

But for me - as an introvert, I’ve gotten a lot of feedback over the years to be more vocal, to be more visible, to be loud… even to be aggressive… all different messages telling me to be more out there.

It wasn’t until about 5 years ago that I began to understand my introverted inclinations – that upon reflection – all of this feedback – different ways of saying the same thing – made a lot of sense to me. Introverts get this kind of feedback. (My extroverted colleagues got feedback like needing to have more
finesse or needing to listen more.)

But I want to be very clear – again - about something… Being an introvert or being an extrovert or being whatever does not define you.

I typically shy away from labels because at their worst, when labels define you, they limit you and therefore cease to be useful. In fact, labels can become harmful. But I also love labels because when they give you understanding, clarity, information – and ultimately empower you – that’s useful!

So in my case, understanding my introverted qualities has helped me to know when and how I need to pivot what I’m doing / how I’m interacting, and when and how I need to restore my energy… because this is also a difference between extroverts and introverts. Extroverts gain energy when they’re around a lot of people… like cocktail parties can be really energizing. Introverts gain energy when they’re alone or with just a couple other people… like cocktail parties can be really tiring.

But back to leading as an introvert…. I’ve found a couple strategies that help. So if you’re an introvert – try these out and I’d love to hear from you how it goes. If you’re an extrovert and you work with introverts – you can use these tips to support your introverted work friends to win.

- Strategy #1: Just force yourself out there. Speak out and be visible even when you don’t feel like it, even when it’s uncomfortable, and even when you don’t have a fully formulated thought. For example, put on your camera when you’re on a zoom call. Think of something to say and say it.
…I have this image of double-dutch jump rope… for those of you who don’t know what this is – it’s when you’ve got 2 people holding either end of the jump rope, and they’re each holding 2 jump ropes – and the jump ropes are crisscrossing. The person who’s jumping in the middle gets in the
middle by finding the split second between the ropes crisscrossing – and they can jump in. In other words, there’s no real, easy pause point between the ropes – you just gotta jump in. For an introvert, speaking out in a meeting can feel like this – you just have to jump in.
Gotta say – this strategy is effective, but not my favorite… it’s necessary, however, when the option of the next strategy isn’t available.

- Strategy #2: Prepare. The thing I love the most about preparation is that it gives confidence, and confidence is key to leadership.
Hopefully, if you’re going into a meeting - you have an agenda for the meeting. If not, ask what the objective of the meeting is and/or any topics you should be prepared to discuss.
Knowing this will help you to reflect in advance. The point of this reflection-in-advance is to be able to confidently contribute to the meeting objective. What this means is: develop your point of view (if you don’t already have one), have a recommendation or an idea, or know what questions to ask
that will help everyone get more clarity and direction.
As an introverted leader, you can’t afford to spend a meeting in observation mode. You need to be seen and heard and move things forward (aka – make shit happen).

- A tip: it’s not really a strategy but for introverts – since it can feel like we have to interrupt in order to speak - and it’s not always easy to do, especially if you’re in a meeting with a bunch of extroverts – you can use your body language to indicate that you have something to say – like literally raise your hand (kind of like you’re going to buy a painting) – or lean forward in your chair. At the very least, this gives a queue that you have something to say and usually people will call on you… so in essence, you create the pause for you to speak.

General recommendation for everyone: always send out a meeting agenda a day or 2 before. The agenda should include 2 things: the objective of the meeting, and the topics will you cover. This sets everyone’s expectations. And for your introverted colleagues, it helps them to reflect in advance, and
therefore be better able to contribute to the objective of the meeting. Essentially, you set them up to lead with you.

And also, to support your more introverted colleagues – call on them in meetings. This might be uncomfortable for you to do, and it’s not always easy to remember to do this (and it might be uncomfortable for them to be called on) but I’ve found that most introverts appreciate the clear moment to speak – without feeling like they’re interrupting someone else.

As always – introverted or extroverted leaders - keep your focus on your goals and tend to your center (your confidence and trust in yourself).