The foundation for confident, effective leadership: being centered
Can't listen? Here's the transcript:
Today’s podcast is about the importance of being centered as a leader… in other words, trusting yourself, having confidence, peace of mind, and focus. I’m going to share with you why this is so critical to effective leadership, along with some common pitfalls (and one of my own that I’ve been working on) an a few tips to get centered when you’re not.
But first, this is the podcast episode – I’ve been tinkering with the thought of starting a podcast for a couple years... and I’m quite introverted by nature so the thought of doing this has been intimidating… but then a few months ago I decided to go ahead anyway. I mean, how many times in life do you just have to say WTF and do it anyway? …so here we are!
And then the pandemic hit so I’ve gone back and forth in my mind if I should focus on what it’s going to take to lead through this, or if I should stick to the leadership topics and practical tips that are helpful in normal times and still totally apply to what we’re all dealing with today. …and I decided to do a mix.
As I said, today’s episode is about the importance of being centered… pandemic or not. And in future episodes, I’ll be interviewing a few executives about trends they’re seeing these days and what they anticipate for the near future.
Also, I’m a mom and a wife. And like everyone else, we’re all home together so you might here a little noise it he background though I hope not… we’ll see. Side note – I’ve been told the acoustics are great if I record in my closet so that’s where I am, which is pretty funny. My brother has given me suggestions for this podcast – including how my background should look (prob along the lines of Joe Rogen who he follows) but that’s not happening… So – leadership requires a good deal of making things up as you go along and figuring it out with what you have at the time, and so here I am in my closet, talking about leadership and how awesome it is to grow as a leader – in all that means and all the great things that great leaders do.
Alright – so let’s get to it: the importance of being centered.
Here’s the deal: You can’t lead others if you’re not leading yourself.
You can’t lead yourself if (a) you don’t have some sense of where you’re going, and (b) you’re not centered.
What do I mean by “being centered?”
- Trusting yourself - - that you’re going to be just fine, if not great, no matter what
- You can figure it out - - whatever it is, including getting others to help you figure it out
- You’re on the right path - - and if you find at some point you’re not, you’ll either redirect or you’ll create the right path forward.
Being centered = peace of mind, trusting yourself, being focused. This podcast will cover:
- The most common things that un-center us
- My own petty & somewhat embarrassing un-centering
- A few tips to get & stay centered
Why do you need to be centered in order to be a great leader?
Because being a leader means you are out in front, making a new path for yourself/others/your business… and when you are out in front, there’s no REAL direction.
I mean, sure – if you’re lucky, there might be advice “Do this, then do that” but that advice doesn’t always work when we’re out in front, dealing with stuff, figuring things out, having to react to things that we didn’t expect or even knew could happen.
Because when you’re out in front (leading), you are in making a new path in what was previously unknown. You are out in front, making a new path, in the unknown.
That’s leadership for you. It’s uncomfortable.
Great leaders do this in a way that people want to work with them.
It requires being strong in the unknown where there are no answers. This is why it’s essential be centered – or to get centered quickly – because when you’re out in front, you have that strength & trust in yourself.
Being centered doesn’t just happen. It’s not like we wake up and feel centered. I wish! When was the last time you woke up with a feeling of peace and focus? Mostly it’s wanting to sleep more or our to-do list. We move things forward and react to what comes at us.
Being centered isn’t just something that happens to us. It’s something we need to pay attention to – and be proactive about it.
How do you know if you’re centered… and how do you get centered when you’re not?
You can start by asking yourself: Am I peaceful, confident, focused?
- If the answer is yes, Great. Next question: What am I focused on?
- If your answer to that question motivates you for the future, and feeds your sense of peace & confidence - - Fabulous. Rock n roll.
- If your answer to being peaceful, confident and focused is No, ask yourself, What am I feeling instead? Simply by naming the feeling, it will start to lose it’s power.
- You can also ask yourself, “What am I focused on?” Sometimes we inadvertently focus on things that steal away from what’s really important to us. Like if what’s really important is a big win for the business but you’re focus is not screwing up, the focus on screwing up will sidetrack you from what’s really important. So honestly answering the question “What am I focused on?” can give you a lot of clarity that will help you reset.
…Speaking of inadvertently focusing on things – like not screwing up – there are other things people sometimes focus on that work against our peace, confidence and focus (what I’m calling “being centered”)… I’m going to give a few examples – these are examples that aren’t hindrances by themselves but become hindrances when they become the priority instead of the priority is you being centered and moving towards the goals you’ve set.
So – some examples of these inadvertent focuses – or pitfalls to being centered – are:
- Wanting approval
- Wanting success
- Wanting a promotion
- Wanting to be liked
- Wanting security
- Needing others to just do what you tell them to
- Needing others to just do what they’re supposed to
- Needing to be nice
- Needing to make people happy
Maybe a few of those sound familiar. Maybe you have another common pitfall that I didn’t mention.
…Of course, you can have these things – you can have that promotion, you can be liked, you can be nice, etc. – AND be centered. The problem is when we HAVE TO be nice / HAVE TO make people happy / HAVE TO have that promotion, etc. to the extent that we get pre-occupied with it and it knocks us off our center.
For example, I have a history of being preoccupied with giving the right answer - defined as the answer that will make me look good, will keep people liking me, won’t piss people off, and will be helpful in some way. In other words, a safe right answer – if there is such a thing.
I’ve been this way for a long time. Not consistently – not robotically – but enough that I know it’s a tendency of mine.
As far as I can tell, it started when I was 10. I was the new kid in school (I was the new kid a lot – this was my first time being the new kid). I was a confident student – I got good grades, my teachers seemed to think I was a good kid, I was used to having friends. But early in my time of being the new kid – before I made new friends so it must have been within the first few days of school – the teacher asked a question and I confidently raised my hand. He called on me. I gave my answer with total knowledge that I was right. He didn’t say the usual “That’s right, Renee.” Instead, he paused for what seemed like a long time but in actuality probably wasn’t – he looked at me a bit oddly like I was speaking another language, and then he said “No.” I think the kids giggled. I was a bit in shock, and I was completely embarrassed.
After that, for many years (like decades), I tried to give answers that would make me look good. That can be a fine strategy for a while, but you can’t lead and be worried about looking good at the same time.
When you’re leading out in front, in the unknown, we need to feel centered and focused on the future. Being preoccupied with the “right answer” will cause procrastination (not leading) or worrying too much about how you look to others – which you can’t do and lead at the same time.
To recap:
Being centered is foundational for leadership. Leading means being out in front, in the unknown/undefined… and to have the fortitude to progress forward in areas that are unfamiliar, you need to be able to trust yourself, where you’re going, and keep moving forward. Leadership starts with leading yourself.
One way to get centered is to ask yourself:
- Do I feel peaceful, confident and focused?
- If not, what am I feeling? Name it so you can have the feeling vs. the feeling having you.
- What am I focused on? Be honest with yourself in this answer. If you realize you’re focused on something that’s knocked you off your center, just by naming what that is will start to restore your peace, confidence and focus.
Lastly, I’ll say this: getting and staying centered is never a once and done thing. Sometimes it’s hourly for me… and occasionally it’s even every 5 minutes.
The key is to pay attention to it – be proactive about it – so that your leadership can have the peace, confidence and focus you need.
